if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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