margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize