I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
