my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
