Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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