dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
