my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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