Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
