I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
