Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm bleeding and have questions
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
