you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
