I faked an abortion last night.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
