I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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