I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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