You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Pants are for mortals
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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