I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Randomize
