People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
