Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
