I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
