Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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