That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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