i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
