I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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