it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
