Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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