Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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