Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
