had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
