You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
