Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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