matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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