Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
