I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
