Say something about gay babies.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
