Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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