Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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