He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
