I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
