He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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