He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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