Ambien. No doubt about it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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