I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
