You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize