I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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