he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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