dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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