Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i will never coherently bang her
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
