i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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