I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
