____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
