How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
