When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
