a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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