its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize