I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
