Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
