The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
