i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
