I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
