Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
