HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
