I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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