jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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