i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
