dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
